Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
