sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize