yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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