That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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