me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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