Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
