even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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