my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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