I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
