it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
