absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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