yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
