sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
