38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
