I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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