I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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