she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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