Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
