So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize