the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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