Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
