I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
