Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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