last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize