Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
