do herpes really smell.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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