i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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