My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
