laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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