Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
