I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
