apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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