can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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