dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is Oprah even human
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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