If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
