I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
