I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
