My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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