$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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