Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
