I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
