How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
