Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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