Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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