fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
