How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
