So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
