dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
