He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
