Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
