So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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