i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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