What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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