I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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