why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
