next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
