Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
