I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
