i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
