so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
