I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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