I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
