Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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