I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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