I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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