i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
