Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
