Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize