Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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