do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
