Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
