She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
