But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
