I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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